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The Last Temptation of Homer

Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you're experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Stan Lee never left. I'm afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! I didn't get rich by signing checks. Get ready, skanks! It's time for the truth train!

Last Exit to Springfield

I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Homer no function beer well without.

  • Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
  • What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?
  • When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

Last Exit to Springfield

A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Look out, Itchy! He's Irish! What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway. Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes! Human contact: the final frontier.

Bart the Daredevil

D'oh. When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? He didn't give you gay, did he? Did he?! Here's to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life's problems. Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?

  1. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.
  2. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
  3. Save me, Jeebus.
  4. Save me, Jeebus.
  5. Here's to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life's problems.
Marge vs. Monorail

D'oh. Stan Lee never left. I'm afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he's holding a gun. Dad didn't leave… When he comes back from the store, he's going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face! Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.

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